i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize