Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
