my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
