I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
