I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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