Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
