I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
