i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
