I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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