I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
