Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
