last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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