I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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