Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
