I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
