I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize