My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
that's an acceptable place to lick
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
