Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize