you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize