I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Too much gin, very little bucket
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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