this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she peed on how many people?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
