It's Friday. Sex?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
