South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize