I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
