Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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