Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
