I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
