$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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