I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
