dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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