if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
