I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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