I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
