i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
