i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
