She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
