Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
