you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
