still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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