Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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