So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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