omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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