pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
