so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
