I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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