Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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