He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
