Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
