I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize