Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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