My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
