Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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