You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
