I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
