4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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