I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
