She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
