Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
