you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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