Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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