false alarm. still invincible.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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