I need help removing her.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
